Christmas Musings

Is it possible that Christmas is all about suffering? Looking back at the painful and emotionally draining experience of our Christmas I am tempted to ask why? Why more suffering on Christmas? My husband's disease continues to take from us and take from us. On Christmas Eve he began shouting at the nurses in the care facility and then threw something at them. He was supposed to be joining us that evening. I went over to try and clam him down and he was not there. Instead was the rage-filled, mean and spiteful man that the disease sometimes turns him into. I didn't listen to my instincts but convinced myself that he could still some home and calm down. The calm did not last and he informed that he was never going back to the hospital and I could try to make him. He shouted at me, he pleaded with me, he threatened me and the whole time I just ached for my kids who were in their room with their Auntie trying to hide. Finally he decided to leave and refused a ride to the hospital but my sister was able to convince him to get into the car after a block. I immediately ran to the bathroom and threw up.

The next day we had to decide whether he could come over or not. On what could be our last Christmas, would it be better to protect the kids from the emotional agony? In then end I went to assess his mood and found him calm and willing to listen. I risked it. He came and laughed with the kids and ate Christmas dinner and went home without complaint. Praise the Lord, truly.

 It was my sister who said, "Christmas morning wasn't a happy occasion really. Mary and Joseph were alone and in a barn having their first child and soon they would have to flee to save their baby." So...Christmas is about the birth of Jesus who came to restore this world of pain and suffering. He came to heal broken minds and bodies and defeat the darkness once and for all. I am so glad for the few hours of peaceful family time that we had on Christmas Day. I won't ask why we have to walk this road. I will ask for patience and grace and the ability to always look beyond to His coming.