Family Vacation...minus one

I haven't been too worried about posting on my little blog with its audience of one. It is nice to just write out my thoughts so they aren't cluttering up my mind. We are on our family vacation on Galiano Island, BC. It is fantastic to be here and my kids are experiencing so many firsts...first drive through the mountains, first glimpse of the ocean, first touch of a starfish, first hike through the BC rainforests. But my husband is not here and this vacation was supposed to be a special family time. He just wasn't well enough to come and it was hard to leave him at the hospital for respite while we drove off for 2 weeks of fun. Each moment is bittersweet like a shadow of what it could have been if we were whole. I'm looking forward to getting back to life, school, schedule and the roles we have begun to accept as our reality. Looking at our crazy life from 2 provinces away I can see more beauty in it than when I was in the midst of the whirlwind. All of the medical intrusions and balancing of home, school, and disease seems more worthwhile than it did before, less of a terrified scrabbling to keep up. This disease has taken much and will take more before it finally leaves our family some peace but there must be a way to find more magic moments. I will look for them. But for today...I'll revel in the squeals of delight as my children race along the rocky beaches and chase the tiny crabs.